Getting Started: Tips for the actual process of getting the strap-on and getting it in there.
1. Buy the right toy. I used this helpful post by lingeringlillies to find a first-time toy for my girlfriend and I to use. Important points are:
- pay attention to what material your toy is made of
- don’t buy “novelty” toys, as they aren’t held to the same safety standards as actual sex toys are
- know how to clean it
- know what lubes you are able to use with it
- pay attention to diameter and length measurements of toys you are looking to buy-if the most penetration you’ve had is one or two fingers, I would suggest a diameter of 1” or smaller (maybe 1.25” if you’re good with two fingers inside). As for length, if you get a longer dildo, you have to be careful you don’t hit the cervix (ouch!) during thrusting, so that is something to keep in mind.
- look for beginner sets that come with both a dildo and a harness-you don’t need anything fancy right away, just something to test the waters
- shape-I would suggest buying a dildo with a slight curve to it. Explanation as to why in the “Dirty Secrets” section…
2. WASH YOUR TOY BEFORE YOU PUT IT INSIDE A VAGINA. Self-explanatory. Clean and sanitize that shit before you use it the first time, and after each subsequent use.
3. Putting on the harness. The main thing here is to make sure the straps are as tight as you can stand them-you’re going to want the straps to be nice and taut so the dildo isn’t flopping around and you have as much control of it as possible. That being said, the straps shouldn’t be hurting you or biting into your skin. You should be comfortable too!
4. Lube. Make sure you have some, and make sure you use it. It will make the experience much more comfortable for both you and your partner. Using lube doesn’t have to be awkward either-it can even be sexy. Have your partner lube up the strap-on for you while you’re wearing it, and then in turn put some on your fingers and run it over and around her entrance for smooth entry. Reapply it during sex if you need it. Water-based lube is safe for all toys, and it won’t stain clothes or bed sheets, and is a good option for first-time strap-on adventurers.
5. Protection. Yes, you read that right. If there is a possibility that you might use this toy with someone other than you and your partner, slap a condom on there. Plus, this offers protection from potential phthalates that may be present in your toy if you bought a toy of a lower quality or bought a novelty toy.
6. Communication. If you aren’t a couple that talks a lot about your likes/dislikes in bed, you need to become one before you use a strap-on. You’re taking penetration to a whole ‘nother level here, and for some lady-lovers that could be a little bit scary. If you’re the one having the strap-on used on you, you need to feel comfortable with telling your partner if something hurts or if she’s gone in too far. If you’re the one wearing the strap-on, you need to be very attentive to your girl to make sure you aren’t hurting her. With a strap-on, you can’t feel where it’s at or how far in it is, so you’re going to need your lady to tell you and you’re going to need to listen to her needs.
7. Start with a simple position. When I was preparing for my first time using the strap-on on my girlfriend, a lot of the forums I looked at suggested having the person wearing the strap-on on bottom and the girl receiving the strap-on on top. This way, she can control the speed/depth/angle of the dildo going inside her. However, when I tried this with my girlfriend our first time, our dildo was so big/long that she had a hard time getting high enough while straddling me to slowly ease in the dildo (another reason length is an important factor to consider). If this happens to you, the next option is to try having the strap-on wearer on top. Make sure you talk to your partner about this, as it takes the control away from them and puts it solely in your hands.
8. Go slow. I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re going to experiment with a strap-on, make sure you and your partner give yourselves plenty of time. The first entry should be slow, so you can make sure you aren’t hurting your partner. If she says stop, STOP. Pull out a little. Pay attention to how far you can go in without pain for your partner, and start from there. When first starting out, I found it helpful to hold onto the dildo right where my girlfriend was still comfortable with the amount of penetration. This way, I have to worry less about slipping in too far and hurting her and can concentrate more on the pleasure aspect of the whole thing. After awhile, if you feel comfortable with knowing how far you can go, you can remove your hand.
Dirty Secrets: Bring on the pleasure.
1. The motion. Contrary to what porn might show you, sex with a penis or a dildo is more than just going in and out repeatedly. It’s less of an in-and-out motion and more of an up-and-down motion, or a figure-8 kind of pattern. If you went with my advice and got a dildo with a curve, you are a smart cookie. Dildos with this shape make it easy to hit the g-spot upon entry and exit on the vagina.
How do you do this? This is where the figure-8 idea comes into play. Instead of just doing an in-and-out motion driven mainly by your thighs, you need to incorporate your hips. Raise your hips a little and tilt your pelvis forward to go into her, and then when you are moving out, sit your hips down and tilt your pelvis back. Why? This motion presses the head of the curved dildo right. up. against. her. g-spot. Yes. Amazing. She will love it, even if she isn’t a g-spot kind of girl, it will still feel good.
Once you’ve mastered the motion, you can experiment with different speeds and pressures to keep her on her toes.
2. You have two hands available now, use them. Well, most likely one hand, if you are on top, since you’ll be using one to hold yourself up. Regardless, you have a hand, and it should be touching your lady.
Try rubbing her clit while you move in and out of her-it’s awesome because she’ll be getting g-spot and clitoral stimulation at the same time. If you feel especially adventurous and comfortable with doing the thrusting and the rubbing at the same time and you want to make her feel even MORE pleasure, try to time your circling of her clit with you hitting her g-spot. That is, add a little extra pressure to her clit at the same time that your dildo is putting pressure on her g-spot. You’ll be able to feel it, and dear lord so will she.
3. This is a tip for the girl on the receiving end. Especially for the first few times with the strap-on, make sure you tell your partner when something feels bad, but also when something feels good. She probably feels a little clumsy and awkward using the strap-on, even if she acts confident. Make her confidence real by telling her when something feels good or that you like a certain rhythm or speed. Tell her she looks sexy with a dick. Tell her you want her inside of you, now. If she slips out on accident, help guide her back in. Pull her close, grab her back or run your fingers through her hair. Play with her boobs or slide your fingers through her legs if you can reach. Include her in the pleasure, and she will be even more eager to make you feel amazing.